I, too, had a similar thought a few weeks ago but on hacking into MI5's website, I discovered to my disappointment that their recruitment in Northern Ireland is limited.

I wonder why? It's the 50-50 female/male employment rule that is putting them off - the girls not being up to the job! I would have thought that a couple of undercover spooks in tight sweaters might help keep up the morale of the boy scouts.

Interestingly, I happened to spy on the same page and on the same subject as Ms McDowell's article, that Mark Durkan has raised concerns with the Prime Minister.

Mr Durkan should be told the truth - a glossy dossier from No. 10 should satisfy his inquisitiveness.

Mr Durkan should relax. My contact in the CIA (with whom I have a special relationship) tells me one of MI5's missions is to locate the whereabouts of 'on the run' Elvis Presley, as he has not filed a tax return for several years! This is misinformation.

Everyone knows he lives in one of those big houses (rates free) on north Down's gold coast - the one with the name Jailhouse Rock on the gate post.

I must sign off now, but before I finish, I should inform you that an insider up at Stormont has told me of a leaked memo she has just deciphered and for my eyes only.

It reads: 'Dr No to officially open the new complex at Holywood'. omehow, I have my doubts. My insider friend on occasions tells little fibs. After all, it is part of her job description. I suspect she is a politician!

MISS MONEYPENNY Co Down

Posted:  3rd. Nov. 2006